


Boardingstuck

by Umbra (Lux_And_Umbra)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Boarding School
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2011-10-25
Updated: 2011-12-21
Packaged: 2017-10-24 23:23:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/269042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lux_And_Umbra/pseuds/Umbra
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A Homestuck AU, where, instead of playing Sburb/Sgrub, the kids and trolls go to boarding school together. With the exiles as teachers, and Doc Scratch as the principal.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so lately things in Homestuck have been really gloomy - lots of characters dying and stuff. And I was really bored and had nothing to do, and was browsing TvTropes, then the idea hit me: a Homestuck AU where instead of playing Sburb/Sgrub, the kids and trolls went to boarding school together. With the exiles as teachers and Doc Scratch as the prinipal.  
> So yeah. More "Kids and Fun", less "Dead Kids and Tears". I hope you enjoy!

"Hey! Rose!" John called as he raced down the hallway to meet his friend.  
His greeting was met with a small smile. "Hello John. How was your trip?"  
John slowed to a stop as he grew near. "It was nice. But it was kind of windy, and the whole plane was shaking! How was yours?"  
Rose sighed. "First class was nice, but Mom got drunk and made a spectacle of herself. I was so embarassed!"  
"What did she do?"  
"You do _not_ want to know."  
John bit his lip, and decided to change the subject. "Do you know when Jade and Dave will get here?"  
Rose shrugged. "Jade called me and said her plane had some delays, so she's going to be late. And Dave," She rolled her eyes. "Dave is most likely being late on purpose. For 'ironic reasons', I'm sure."  
John laughed. "Yeah, that's probably why."

Karkat glared at the newest arrival. "I hate him!"  
Terezi looked at him with sightless eyes. "You hate him? You just met him. How can you hate him already?"  
Karkat shrugged. "I dunno. I just hate him!"  
Terezi laughed and poked him with her cane. "You can't just hate someone. There has to be a reason!"  
"Fine," Karkat sighed. "I hate him because he looks like an idiot!"  
"That's a dumb reason!"  
"But it's a reason!"  
"And it's dumb!"

At the sound of the fight going on, John turned around and stared across the hallway. Right there were two of the oddest-looking people that John had ever seen. They had odd gray skin, and they each had a pair of orange horns sprouting from their head. The boy turned and looked at John, who could now see that his eyes were orange where they should have been white.  
"What are you looking at, dumbass?!"  
"Errr..." John started, "you guys look weird."  
"Yeah right, you're the weird-looking one!"  
The girl, wearing a set of red sunglasses, explained, "We're trolls, and from a different planet than you humans. So it kinda makes sense that we look different. Right, Karkat?"  
"Shut up Terezi, this is between me and the moron!"  
Rose sighed. "Well John, looks like somebody hates you already. I really am surprised."  
Terezi laughed. "The other human is right, John - that's your name, right? He does hate you!" She started cackling like a maniac.  
"Hey, this isn't funny! This is ser-" Karkat broke off, and Terezi stopped laughing. John heard a door open and slam shut.  
"Heeeeeeeey, guys!" a girl called from behind.  
John turned around and saw another troll girl, wearing a set of glasses with one lens completely covered; and a troll boy wearing cracked sunglasses.  
"Oh, uh," stammered Terezi, "hi Vriska. And Equius."  
"Oh look!" Karkat shouted, "It's the snob and the psychopath!"  
"Oh, relax. I'm here to learn, okay? No backstabbing, I promise!" The girl, who John assumed was Vriska, offered her hand for a handshake. John, seeing that neither Terezi nor Karkat were accepting Vriska's offer, grabbed Vriska's hand and smiled.  
"Hi Vriska! My name is John, and I believe you."  
Rose facepalmed, and grabbed John. "What are you doing?!" she whispered. "You don't know what she's done!"  
John shrugged. "Yeah, but she seems nice," he whispered back. "Besides, Karkat hates me for no reason, so I doubt he's the best judge of character."  
Rose sighed. "Look, I'm not going to tell you who you can and can't be friends with. Just watch your back, okay? I don't trust her." Rose glanced at the clock on a nearby wall. "I'm going to go down to the auditorium and save us some seats near the front. I hate being stuck in the back."  
John nodded. "Okay. I'll see you later!" Rose walked away, and John turned to face Vriska again.  
But before either of them could say a word, the door _whoosh_ ed open, and a green blur flew out, and shouted, "Equius!" The green blur hit Equius straight on, knocking him to the ground. John could now see that the green blur was actually a troll girl wearing a green jacket, along with a cat-ear hat and a fake tail.  
"Oh, hi Nepeta." Equius smiled a little bit.  
Nepeta whipped around to look at John. "What's he doing with Friska?!" she hissed. "Doesn't he know?" Equius shook his head, and Nepeta stood up and looked John in the eye. "Stay far away from Vwhiskers!" she spat. "She's dangerous!"  
"Why? She seems pretty nice," John said.  
"Beclaws she got two of my friends hurt real bad! Over a silly game!" Nepeta stuck her toungue out at Vriska and walked away.  
John stared at Vriska. "Is that true?"  
"Well," Vriska muttered, looking away, "yeah. But that was a while ago, and I feel really bad about it. I've been trying to change and be nicer, but nobody believes me."  
"Oh." John paused for a moment. "Well, I think it's nice that you're trying to be a better person!"  
"Oh I cannot believe that he's buying this shit!" Karkat yelled. "Once a huge bitch, always a huge bitch!"  
"Errr... I'm going to go hang out with Rose in the auditorium, okay? I guess I'll talk to you later."  
Vriska grinned. "See ya!"


	2. Chapter 2

Jade smiled and waved goodbye to her grandfather as he walked away. She took a moment to look around, but she appeared to be completely alone. Then she felt a tap on her shoulder, turned around, and was face to face with Dave.  
"Dave! Don't sneak up on me like that, you scared me!"  
"Sorry. You're late too?"  
"Yeah, my plane had some engine troubles or something, so the flight was delayed. Why are you late?" Jade paused for a moment. "Oh, wait - let me guess. You're being ironic, right?"  
Dave smiled. "You know me too well."  
Jade bit her lip. "We're going to get in trouble though, aren't we?"  
"Not if we don't get caught. The principal's giving a little speech now, right?"  
"Yeah, I think so."  
"Okay, so we sneak in the back and find a couple of empty seats. The principal should be too distracted to notice us, and it will be like we were there the whole time," Dave explained.  
Jade giggled. "Okay, well if you think it'll work!" She opened the door a crack, and slipped in quietly, with Dave following closesly behind. His plan seemed to be working without a hitch, until...  
"Hey! Jade! Dave! Over here!" John shouted, waving and wearing the derpiest grin possible.  
"Oh nooooooo," Jade groaned, while Dave did a facepalm times two combo.  
"Ah, Ms. Harley and Mr. Strider. I've been expecting your late arrival." Jade looked to the stage, and saw the strangest-looking man she'd ever seen. She was almost positive that he had a cue ball for a head!  
She opened her mouth to explain her lateness, but before she could say a word, the principal spoke again.  
"Yes, I know. Your flight was delayed. Don't worry, I won't punish you for things beyond your control. However," he continued, "Mr. Strider, being 'ironic' is not a legitimate excuse for being tardy. You now hold the honor of being the first student of the year to recieve a detention."  
Jade tilted her head to the side, confused. "How do you know all this?"  
"I am omniscient," the principal said.  
"Oh yeah?" Dave sneered, "If you're so smart, then what am I thinking right now?"  
"You are thinking that I am a smug tool. That's two days of detention now."  
Dave pushed his sunglasses up the bridge of his nose using his middle finger.  
"Now it's three days."  
"Dave stop it!" Jade shouted. "School hasn't even started yet, and you're already in trouble!"  
"Yes, listen to the lady. She is correct," the principal added.  
Jade said, "Okay, can you please stop being so creepy Mr. Principal?"  
"I am not being creepy."  
"Yes you are," Jade insisted.  
"No I'm not."  
"Yes you are!"  
"I'm not."  
"You are!"  
"Alright, that's enough. This assembly has already run late, just as I knew it would. I'll let all of you go have dinner."

Jade poked at the slice of chicken on her tray with her fork.  
"Hey, what did these chickens die of anyways, dehydration?" Dave joked.  
Jade laughed. "So, Rose, what did we miss?"  
Rose looked up from her book. "Not much really. Doc Scratch - the principal - just welcomed us to the Skaia Boarding School and went over some rules. You know, no fighting, no ditching class, nothing unusual. Oh, and no 'FLARPing', whatever that is. Probably something that the trolls do." Rose returned to her grimoire. Dave snickered, and Jade groaned.  
"Dave! Get your mind out of the gutter!"  
"What?" Dave said. "I didn't say anything."  
"Yeah, but you laughed!"  
"Because 'FLARP' sounds funny!"  
Jade couldn't argue with that. "Touche."  
Suddenly, a troll girl with ram horns dashed over, dragging a reluctant troll boy with heterochromatic sunglasses.  
"Hi! I'm Aradia, and this is my boyfriend, Sollux!" the ram-horn girl said.  
Sollux groaned. "Damn it AA, you don't have to introduthe uth to everyone in the room."  
John grinned. "Hi Aradia! I'm John."  
Rose glanced up. "Rose."  
Jade wrapped her arm around Dave's shoulder. "I'm Jade, and this is Dave!"  
"Okay, can we go now? Thith ith really embarathing."  
"Okay! Bye, John Rose Jade and Dave!" she called as she walked away, preceded by Sollux.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! Chapter 2! Okay, first off, Dave's joke about the dry chicken I got from my dad.  
> Secondly, the FLARPing accident happened a little different in this AU. When Vriska tried to mind-control Sollux into killing Aradia, she failed, and Aradia lived. Otherwise, it's the same - Tavros is in a wheelchair, Terezi is blind, Vriska's missing an arm and an eye. Why did I do it this way? You'll see. You'll seeeeeeee! YOU'LL S-E-E!


	3. Chapter 3

When Dave arrived at the cafeteria for breakfast, Jade was already there and had saved a seat for Dave. He grabbed a slice of toast and sat down next to her.  
Jade grinned. "Good morning sleepyhead!"  
Dave rolled his eyes and gestured to the nearly-empty cafeteria. "I'm not a sleepyhead, you're an early riser." He took a bite out of his toast, realized it was covered in some sort of green slime, and spat it out. "Bluh! What the hell is this?!"  
"Some weird alien stuff, called grub sauce. Didn't you check what you grabbed before you grabbed it?"  
Dave tried to hide his embarassment behind his shades. "No."  
"Well then, there's the problem!" Jade laughed. "You can have one of my pancakes if you want."  
Dave shook his head. "Nah. I think I lost my appetite."  
The main door to the cafeteria creaked open, and a troll boy with the worst case of bed-head Dave had ever seen ambled in. He walked over to the table where Jade and Dave were seated.  
"Hey, motherfucker, are you gonna eat that?" he asked. Dave shook his head, and the troll boy shoved the grub sauce toast into his mouth.  
"Hey, do you uhh, mind if we sit here?" Dave turned and saw that another troll boy had arrived in the cafeteria.  
"Yeah, sure, whatever," Dave said.  
Jade grinned. "Of course you can sit with us!"  
"Umm, thanks," the second troll answered. "Uhh, my name is Tavros, and this is Gamzee."  
"Hi Tavros, hi Gamzee! My name is Jade, and this is Dave!"  
Gamzee's eyes widened in surprise. "Woah, how did you know my name? It must be a motherfucking miracle!" he shouted, crumbs spraying from his mouth.  
Dave groaned. "Dude, Tavros just told her. What, are you high or something?"  
"Actually, uhh, he is." Tavros smiled sheepishly. "He, umm, eats sopor slime which is, uhh, something you're not supposed to do."  
"Honk honk!" Gamzee added.  
Jade bit her lip. "What's 'sopor slime?'"  
"Uhh, you guys don't use sopor slime?" Tavros tilted his head slightly to the side.  
"No shit Sherlock. Why would she ask if we used it?" Dave retorted.  
Tavros laughed. "Oh, um, I guess you're right. That was kind of a dumb thing to ask." He paused for a moment to gather his thoughts. "I'm not really sure how to, uhh, explain. One of the others would, umm, probably do a better job explaining."  
Before Dave had a chance to reply, a troll girl in bright red shades burst into the room. She turned her head towards Dave, and rushed over to sit next to him. She pressed her nose against his sleeve and inhaled deeply.  
"You smell delicious! Like candy apples!" she shouted.  
"Yeah, sure whatever. It's not like I need any personal space or anything, so yeah."  
The troll girl lifted her head up. "Hehe, sorry. I just LOVE how the color red smells!"  
Dave rolled his eyes. "Whatever."  
"Hey, while you're here, would you mind explaining something for us?" Jade asked.  
"Sure. What do you need to know?"  
"What's 'sopor slime'?" Jade asked.  
"You see, it's this slime."  
Dave snorted. "Well duh."  
"I'm not finished explaining! Trolls normally have really bad nightmares. When you sleep in a recupuracoon full of sopor slime, the nightmares aren't as bad and you can sleep better."  
"And if you eat it," Jade added.  
"Gamzee happens." Terezi chuckled.

\---

 **  
Period 1 - LA   
**   


"Good morning, and welcome to language arts!" the teacher began. She appeared to be a rather odd-looking alien, with a snow-white carapace. "You can call me Miss M. I'll be your teacher this year. Here in LA, we're going to learn writing techniques. But first, I'm going to assign your seats for the year."  
She gestured to a group of desks near her desk. "Feferi, Eridan, Gamzee, Equius." She walked over to a group near the door. "Vriska, Terezi, Kanaya, Nepeta." A group near the windows. "Karkat, Sollux, Tavros, Aradia." And a group in the corner. "Jade, Dave, Rose, John."  
The class scrambled to their seats, and Ms. M continued to speak. "I'd like to see what your writing skills are, so I'd like each of you to write me a short essay or story. It can be fiction or non-fiction."  
Dave groaned. "How long does this have to be?"  
Ms. M shrugged. "As long as you want it to be."  
Rose pulled out her pen and considered some subjects to write about. Perhaps something about the zoologicaly dubious might be enjoyable.  
"Dave! What are you writing?" John said far too loudly.  
"A novelization of Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff," he responded. "Complete with ironic spelling and grammar mistakes."  
Rose sighed. "You're going to get an F."  
"Yes. An ironic F!"  
Rose rolled her eyes. "Whatever, it isn't my problem."

\---

 **  
Period 2 - Math   
**

When Rose arrived in the room, the rest of the class had already arrived. On the board, the teacher had drawn a seating chart, so Rose took her seat in the front row. Behind her was a troll girl with a blue hat, to her right was Aradia, and to her left was a troll boy with fins on his face and a purple streak in his hair.  
"Good morning class! My name is Mr. V! I'll be your math teacher this year!" This teacher seemed to be the same species as Ms. M, only his carapace was black. Rose had a feeling that most of the teachers would look something like this. "I'd like all of you to fill out these papers! Don't worry, there are no wrong answers! I just want to know how I can teach you best!" Rose walked to the front of the classroom and took a sheet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so far so good. Nothing really to say here.  
> Oh yeah! I- wait, no, I got nothing :P  
> No, wait, I do have something! I've been having a coupleissues with formatting. I think.
> 
> Is... is anyone even reading this?


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay! Got a bit busy with RL. Things are way better now, so I'll be updating more often. Hope you guys enjoy!

**Period 3 elective - Home Ec**  
Kanaya was the first to class. In fact she was pretty sure she even beat the teacher.  
"Good morning Kanaya!" Kanaya looked around, but didn't see anyone.  
"Excuse me?"  
"Down he- oh crap!" There was a loud crash. Kanaya looked at the cabinet where the noise had come from, and saw a tiny Dersite doing his best to put the fallen pans away.  
"Oh, here, let me help." Kanaya knelt down and helped the teacher put the fallen utensils away.  
The door swung open. "Hi gu- is anyone in here?"  
Kanaya glanced at the newcomer. One of the humans, the female with the long hair and glasses. "Over here," Kanaya called.  
The human girl grinned. "Oh, there you guys are!" She took a step forward, but then the door opened again. This time, a human male wearing aviator shades walked in.  
"Dave?! You're taking home ec?"  
"Yeah."  
"Why?"  
Dave shrugged. "Irony. Meet girls. Mostly irony."  
"I don't think that's the real reason. I think you actually like things like sewing and cooking!"  
"Jade, no. You don't get irony. It's completely incomprehensible to your non-ironic mind!"  
"Suuuure. I still like my theory better." Jade rolled her eyes.  
"You're just jealous of how cool I am, anyways," Dave said.  
"I'm not!"  
"Yes you are!"  
"Please don't fight over something so silly," Kanaya interupted.  
Jade rolled her eyes. "Geez, we were just being silly."  
"Oh, sorry. I'll try to be more culturally sensitive in the future."  
"Wow, if you aren't being ironic right now, that's just lame."  
\---  
 **Period 4 - Chemistry**  
"Good morning class, and welcome to chemistry! You can all call me Mr. R."  
Tavros stared down at his desk. Several year's worth of graffiti stared back up at him, so he quickly turned away.  
"Mr. R? I have a motherfucking question."  
"What is is, Gamzee?"  
"Are we going to learn about motherfucking miracles in this class?"  
The Dersite teacher sighed. "No, we do not learn about miracles here."  
"Oh, okay. That's good, because learning about miracles steals the miracles away."  
"Right. As I was saying, here in chemistry, we will learn how do do things like..." Mr. R grabbed a couple of beakers off of his desk, dumps half the contents of one into the other, and snaps on a pair of safety goggles. Moments later, a rather large flame shoots out of the mixture. "This!"  
Tavros couldn't help but notice as Gamzee sneaked up to the teacher's desk, grabbed the half empty beaker, and slammed it like a Faygo.  
"No, Gamzee you dumb shit!" Karkat yelled.  
Mr. R turned around and stared dumbly at Gamzee for a minute. Then he grabbed the phone on his desk and quickly dialled a number. "Hussie? A troll just drank half a beaker of arsenic."


	5. Chapter 5

** Period 6 - Study Hall **

Slowly, the library desks filled up with students. The teacher for study hall, however, seemed unaware of this fact. Karkat noted it was probably due to the music blasting from her headphones, loud enough for Karkat to hear it from his seat in the back. The teacher sung quietly along to the lyrics. Karkat was quickly getting rather annoyed.  
"Hey, you!" Karkat shouted. The teacher slowly turned to look at the class. She pulled down her headphones to hang around her neck.  
"What are you all doing here? Don't you guys have a class to go to?" She pulled off her glasses and cleaned them on her shirt.  
"Yeah, study hall. We're all supposed to be here, dumbass."  
The teacher grabbed a cell phone off of her desk, dialled a number, and put it to her ear.  
"Since when am I teaching a fucking class?... Yes, I did read the contract, and it said nothing about this!... Text so small you need a damn microscope to see it does not count as 'fine print'! It counts as being a smug asshole!... You know what!? Fuck you!" Her phone clicked shut. "So, apparently, I am teaching study hall. I'm the school librarian. Study hall is supposed to be for doing homework and, of course, studying, but most kids don't do that and just fool around. So don't kill each other, and the computers are over there. And keep it down, this is a fucking library, you know." The librarian readjusted her headphones and turned away to face her own personal computer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaannnd we meet the librarian, my self-insert and (probably) only OC in the story. She's not going to have much of a major role in the story, though, so the focus is still going to be on the canon characters.  
> Sorry that this is so short, one more short chapter then I'll start posting longer chapters again.


End file.
